Unfrozen: Catching my Breath and Overcoming ... A LOT
There is a reason my first AIM screen name was JDSMOUTH. For those who didn’t grow up listening to Backstreet Boys, Britney Spears, and Blink 182, AIM was the ONLY way to message, before you could slide into anyone’s DMs.
My dad actually influenced my selection of the screen name because I have always loved to talk! In fact, public speaking has always been my comfort zone. For a while now, I have been trying to challenge myself to step out of that zone by doing things that will help me learn, grow, and change. For those of you that do not know me, I am a student affairs professional and a believer in education and creativity. By challenging myself, I do not just mean going to graduate school for higher education or being fortunate enough to go to Ghana, Africa for a month straight ( but both were a challenge and a blog or two for another day). I mean taking the last 2 years to fully immerse myself in therapy to understand my trauma and myself. By growing, I mean being able to articulate and own my truth, that I am a survivor of sexual violence. By learning, I mean taking each day, day by day, and always being a lifelong learner. To be honest, for almost 10 years I have felt frozen in certain areas of who I am, to feel comfortable, and to feel in control.
In my life, I have pushed down feelings of wanting to be a speaker, wanting to run my own business, and wanting to be able to do so much more, because I was afraid. I was afraid of confronting my past and ultimately afraid of confronting my future. I was constantly telling myself that I do not belong in this space or I am not as good as… ( insert any of my fabulous colleague’s names in the speaking circuit) so I should not even try. Second-guessing my skills and abilities had inhibited me from blogging, starting this business, and growing my career. I felt that I was just another statistic, another speaker, another story. Now I know that I am not alone in that feeling, and I want others to know that they are not either.
“Great people do things before they’re ready.”
So many people second guess themselves or have imposter syndrome. But the fears and judgments we anticipate are usually all in our heads. For me, I know it took a lot of therapy, reflection, and introspection to get to this place. You will never know what comes next without stepping out of your comfort zone, to ultimately feel unfrozen.
Hopefully gone are those days for me, but let’s be real here, I am only human. I will have days where it is hard to tell my story and days where it is hard to walk into a room. If you have gotten this far through this blog post, know that I am going to own my story, my challenges, and my successes. I am going to uplift and empower other humans to find their voice, own their stories, and engage in healthy behaviors. Through my new endeavor, you will hear me...
Speak in-depth and facilitate conversations on:
Bystander Intervention
Sexual Assault and Violence
Hazing
Recruitment and Retention
Coach professionals on a variety of topics including:
Fraternity and Sorority Life
Student Affairs
Campus Life Politics
Recruitment and Retention
Sexual Violence and Bystander intervention
Hazing
Being a professional in this field
My story is going to take me far longer than one blog post, so I hope you come back to hear more about how I got to this place and where I am going. I am excited for you to take this journey with me. It is a relief to finally feel unfrozen. I hope to share ways to unlock that feeling within all of you.
